This is me, I dont know who that is yet, but its what I do know

Well, here I am, again writing and enjoying the release of all the stress I can't seem to just let go. Welcome another year, but is that really the start of a new beginning? I want to run thats my new beginning. I want to run far away feel the air as it flies by, my hair never falling down, everything blurring. I want to run so hard, that the only thing I can hear are the pound of my steps and the race of my heart and shallow breath. I want to look into a mirror and say good-bye to all the things that have gotten me here, I want to change my name and disappear. I want to forget what it is like to have your heartbreak, or the caress of my lover on a long winters night. I want to forget his face, his voice, his eyes, and the way he makes my heart flutter. I want to find someone who loves me more then I can love him. I want to forget the broken promises, I want to run and have someone look at me and tell me I am beautiful. I want to be special again, I want it all to stop. Maybe I am selfish, or maybe I am desperate. I just know another year is coming, another year of my life is closed and nothing has gotten better, and my love is once again abused. Is it me am I not worth loving, am I not worth forever? I want to know everything, but I just want to run and be somewhere to begin again, to love again, to be loved, and most importantly to smile.